Diamond Engagement Rings Suck

So says Meghan O'Rourke:

For those who aren't bothered by the finer points of gender equity, an engagement ring clearly makes a claim about the status of a woman's sexual currency. It's a big, shiny NO TRESPASSING sign, stating that the woman wearing it has been bought and paid for, while her beau is out there sign-free and all too easily trespassable, until the wedding. (There might be an equitable case for pregnancy rings, since bearing children is inherently unequal—but that's its own can of worms.) In fact, many ads, including a recent series by Tiffany, imply that giving a ring results in a woman's sexual debt—as these parodies brilliantly capture.

I think the wedding industry is horrific. I can't comprehend the amount of time, money, and emotional that many couples invest into their wedding days. And almost every married couple I've talked to has admitted that the day itself really wasn't very fun at all; too much stress, too little sleep, too many hands to shake and obscure friends/relatives to acknowledge and please. The whole thing seems like a sham marketing campaign.

That said, it seems pretty crazy to argue that a social requirement for a man to pay two months salary on a gift for his future wife is somehow skewed against the woman. I mean, she gets the ring, but what does the guy get? Yeah, there's an outward recognition that she is engaged to be married, but I'm not sure why that's so pernicious. After all, she is engaged to be married. And I'm sure that plenty of guys would rather spend the two months' salary on, say, a down-payment on a house or something.

But the brides-to-be wouldn't have that. They need a huge rock to show off to their friends. They want the symbol, because it shows that someone values them pretty highly. At this point, it seems more common than not for the prospective bride to pick out her own ring, so the thing is hardly even a gift any more. It's an obligation, to which the future husband is a slave. It's just part of the deal. But I don't see what the guys gets in return. As O'Rourke says, virginity used to be a prerequisite for women who wanted to be married, and the ring was sort of a guarantee against it. Now, not so much. So the tradition of giving engagement rings seems to be skewed against the man, not that woman. I'm not so sure that feminists should complain too loudly about this, or they may get what they wish for: nothing.